Ernest Dowson

Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno Cynarae

Last night, ah, yesternight, betwixt her lips and mine,
There fell thy shadow, Cynara! thy breath was shed
Upon my soul between the kisses and the wine;
And I was desolate and sick of an old passion,
Yea, I was desolate and bowed my head:
I have been faithful to thee, Cynara! in my fashion.
All night upon my heart I felt her warm heart beat,
Night-long within my arms in love and sleep she lay;

bought red mouth

She's a prostitute. The adjective order matters—'bought' comes first, 'red' (suggesting passion) second. He's paying for what looks like desire.

Surely the kisses of her bought red mouth were sweet;
But I was desolate and sick of an old passion,
When I awoke and found the dawn was grey:
I have been faithful to thee, Cynara! in my fashion.
I have forgot much, Cynara! gone with the wind,
Flung roses, roses riotously with the throng,

roses vs lilies

Roses are red, sensual, cheap. Lilies are white, pure, funeral flowers. He's trying to drown out death/purity with paid pleasure.

Dancing, to put thy pale, lost lilies out of mind;
But I was desolate and sick of an old passion,
Yea, all the time, because the dance was long:
I have been faithful to thee, Cynara! in my fashion.

madder music

'Madder' means both 'more insane' and literally madder—a red dye. Everything he wants is louder, stronger, more intense. It's not working.

I cried for madder music and for stronger wine,
But when the feast is finished and the lamps expire,

the lamps expire

Lamps don't just go out—they 'expire,' like living things. The party dies, and so does his distraction.

Then falls thy shadow, Cynara! the night is thine;
And I am desolate and sick of an old passion,
Yea, hungry for the lips of my desire:
I have been faithful to thee, Cynara! in my fashion.
Source Wikipedia Poetry Foundation

Reading Notes

The Refrain's Terrible Logic

Every stanza ends with 'I have been faithful to thee, Cynara! in my fashion.' The phrase 'in my fashion' does all the work—it means 'faithful in my own way,' which is to say not faithful at all. He's sleeping with prostitutes while claiming fidelity to a lost love (probably dead, given the funeral lilies).

The refrain's placement is surgical. It comes right after 'I was desolate and sick of an old passion'—he's miserable, he's with another woman, and *then* he claims faithfulness. The logic is backward on purpose. He's faithful because he's miserable? Because he thinks of her while betraying her? The refrain becomes more pathetic each time.

CONTEXT Dowson wrote this in the 1890s during his affair with a prostitute named Adelaide Foltinowicz, while obsessed with Adelaide Foltinowicz's daughter, whom he couldn't have. The poem's Cynara is likely a composite—part real loss, part idealized impossible love. He died at 32 of alcoholism and tuberculosis, having lived exactly the life this poem describes.

What He's Trying to Forget

The poem is structured around failed distractions. Stanza 1: physical intimacy. Stanza 2: sex and sleep. Stanza 3: dancing and crowds. Stanza 4: music and wine. Each attempt gets more desperate—by the end he's literally crying for 'madder music and stronger wine.'

Notice what breaks through every distraction: 'thy shadow, Cynara.' Not Cynara herself—her shadow. She's already gone (dead? left? unattainable?). He's haunted by an absence, which makes the haunting worse. You can't fight a shadow.

The poem's genius is in its timing. The shadow falls 'betwixt her lips and mine' (during a kiss), 'when I awoke' (in the vulnerable morning), 'when the feast is finished' (when distraction ends). She appears in every gap, every quiet moment. The whole poem is about a man who can't get drunk enough to forget.